What are the key ingredients to a long-lasting relationship? Imagine if love could be dissected and the traits that make it up could be labeled and explained. Which of those traits could we actually work on in ourselves to improve our relationships?

Let me put it this way: If that were real life wouldn’t we all be able to give lots of examples where that is happening? (Involving people we actually know?!) I am convinced that all relationships require effort, but it doesn’t have to be so difficult that we feel like our efforts aren’t paying off. That is the purpose of this post.

Think about it, when a relationship is new, each person has an amazing degree of interest in the other. You want to know everything. You want to be with the other person every minute. You have phone conversations that are seemingly meaningless, only because you are so interested in what the other is doing, how their day was, and so on. Unfortunately, that interest eventually gives way to something else. We can call it reality, life, maturity or whatever but sometimes, what it feels like is a LACK of interest.

Good question, right? After so much time together, don’t you already know everything about one another? In a word, NO! People change. Their interests change and unfortunately, those things we have been calling reality and life? Those are actually symptoms of a thing that is natural in all of us: “self-interest.”

Becoming more interesting has you at the center. Becoming more interested has the other person at the center. That may be obvious, but getting involved in someone else’s interest takes some intention. In today’s world of constant distractions, continuing to find interest in something (or someone) you already know a lot about is challenging. I believe there are several practical solutions, but here’s one that really hit home for me: Have you ever got interested in a television show? Maybe one with a lot of episodes? You may binge watch through a bunch of chapters on Netflix, or it may be one that is currently on TV. If so, you’re chomping at the bit for the next episode to come on a week later! It’s obvious, right? Spending time listening and learning about the show creates interest. I hope that is revealing.

The opposite is also true. If you’re an avid consumer of one of those programs, even one that has held a high degree of your interest, it can reverse. When the show goes on hiatus or you take a vacation that disables you from watching it, there is a remarkable decrease in your interest in that show, and it doesn’t take long. That speaks volumes. Lack of time listening and learning decreases your interest in that which you were previously highly interested.

The romantic notion that interest in one another should be automatic and perpetual is dangerous. Try putting away self-interest and asking your spouse to describe some of the things that are most interesting to them. Work to discover how you can also be interested in those things, or some of them. Discuss what part you could play in helping to even increase their interest in those things. Make time for it and most of all, make time for the conversations that will lead you to increasing interest in one another.

My prayer is that you grow in interest for your spouse, and other relationships, too. I pray we all get better at loving selflessly… Just as Christ has shown us in Himself. Please comment with your own experience below and/or share using the share buttons. Also, I would love it if you subscribe. There is a button to click on above. Be blessed!